Coaching Parents About Playing Time Decisions

By Jenifer Miller

Midway through a losing U-11 season, I decided to play for results with the rationale that it was more important to achieve a team success than it was to satisfy the whims of parents who counted their daughter’s playing time on a stop watch. Down three goals at halftime, the girls chipped away at their opponent’s lead and with 15 minutes left we were tied and on fire. A minute before the whistle blew, our opponent scored and we lost another heartbreaker. Nonetheless, I left the field proud of the girls’ play and the way they left everything on the field for their team.

Less than 24 hours after our best game yet, I received calls and e-mails from five different parents inquiring about the lack of playing time their child received the previous day. As it turned out, most kids played at least half the game...but who’s counting?

As coaches, we’ve all received those calls and when we do, we wonder how parents think that the playing time of their child is more important than the results of the team. As a U-12 travel coach, I believe that kids and their parents should understand that fair and equal are two different things. Fair is a term used to describe just or appropriate actions within a particular set of circumstances. Equal refers to a specified quantity. If we consider playing time as “fair” for an individual, referring to an amount of time that she plays that is more or less equal to the rest of her teammates, then it may not be “fair” to the team, especially if the child is not performing well during the game or at practice.

For the younger ages, I believe that playing time should be distributed on a more or less equal basis to provide the maximum opportunity to develop all players, not only the best kids. Even at that level, however, coaches still need to balance the good of the team with the developmental needs of the individual players. Sometimes a coach will play a child with stronger skills, more stamina and a better understanding of the game than a child who is still working to improve upon those skills. Is it equal? No. Is it fair? In my opinion, Yes.

By U-11 and U-12, the coach’s decisions behind starting and subbing players becomes more integrally related to the strategic chess match that takes place on the field. This changes at any given moment during a game. Sharing with players and parents the general rationale of why and how a coach at the travel level makes decisions goes a long way. This is especially important because many parents do not understand the nuances of soccer and therefore look at playing time with an eye biased toward their own children.

The following are various approaches I’ve taken to discuss with players and parents the rationale behind how and why I make player changes and determine playing time before and during the game.

When “Uncle Mo” is on your side, don't give him the boot
Uncle Mo, short for “Uncle Momentum,” may be a soccer coach’s best friend. Soccer is a very fluid game that often progresses and builds upon itself through time and as the on-field energy grows. When the “mojo” is flowing with a particular group of kids on the field then changing it abruptly to give a bench player his or her 15 minute quota will alter the flow of the game. Some of our less skilled players were on the field when the momentum turned for the better in our game because something magical was happening. For 15 minutes, everyone on the field clicked. The point, therefore, was not that I played my “best kids” to win but rather I had to manage the game by assessing what was working best in the moment.

Educating parents in advance that in soccer momentum builds and flows according to the dynamics of the players on the field (from both sides) will help them understand and appreciate the game from a different perspective. In addition, they’ll learn that coaches must manage the game according to the events and circumstances occurring on the field and not by whether a child has reached a quota of playing time.

Soccer's a lot like school - If you miss class are you prepared to take the test?
I make it clear at the beginning of the season that when a child misses practice for any reason (illness, school event, Grandpa’s 90th birthday, etc.) it is possible (this gives me some leeway) that he or she may not start in the next game or that playing time may be limited. I also make it clear that I am not punishing the child for missing practice, but rather looking at the situation from an educational perspective.

If this were school and a child missed class the day before a test then it stands to reason that the student might not be as prepared for the test than she would have had she attended class. It’s no different in soccer. When players miss practice, they’ve missed the lessons learned that day. Children already struggling with tactical concepts or having trouble with their skills might need additional time to understand tactical implications before the coach puts them into a pressure situation – the game. Having players sit on the bench gives them the ability to watch and observe before they enter the game. I often talk with the girls on the bench during a game and ask questions to see if they understand the tactical concepts we worked on in practice or what they’d do if they were in the game. Giving a player an opportunity to learn what she’s missed before putting her into a game is like reinforcing a math concept before taking a test.

Focus attention on positive reinforcement and not punitive behaviors
When one of my regular starters missed practice recently, I started a player that had been working hard at practice and in games but wasn’t playing much. She had come from our “B” team and was having trouble keeping up with the pace of the game at the level we were playing. I explained to the regular starter that I was not punishing her but rather rewarding the other player for her attendance and hard work. The starter understood and agreed. The new starter was so excited that she elevated her game to new heights, creating many scoring opportunities that ultimately led to a goal. Her skill level still does not put her on par with the regular starter, but giving her that one little reward, even at the perceived expense of another player, went along way to achieve positive results, both for the team and individual.

Explaining simple rules goes a long way
After another exciting and close match, not to mention a strong showing at a tournament, I received a call from a parent complaining about her daughter’s playing time. Although the player started and played quite a bit in the first two games of the tournament, she felt she was cheated out of playing time in the last two games. When I reviewed the situation with the mother, I realized the discrepancy in playing time came down to a question about our final match of the tournament, an overtime thriller in the semifinal.

Although the child complained to her mother that I didn’t play her fairly, the player also neglected to mention that I had intended to sub her at the end of regulation time but for five minutes couldn’t gain possession of the ball. Her mom also didn’t know that in a tournament only the players on the field may take PKs. As time ran out on the two, five minute golden goal overtime sessions, I didn’t have her daughter on the field because she wasn’t one of the PK takers. When I explained the rules, the mom started to understand better that I tried to play her daughter fairly, but in that given game, it simply didn’t work out because of the tournament rules and on-field circumstances.

We’ve all heard that life isn’t fair – and it isn’t equal, either. The best coaches may have different approaches when parents inquire about their decisions. I think it is better to answer the question before the problems arise. By pre-empting the situation and providing reasonable and educational rationales behind such choices at parent meetings, coaches set themselves up for successful communication opportunities.

Editor's Note: This article originally appeared in the January-February 2009 issue of Soccer Journal.